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What Exactly is Wrong With Polygamy?

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59 Responses

  1. Joe says:

    I don’t have arguments merely from lawyers. I have actual accounts of those involved who are “okay” and “happy” with sharing their husband with others. People in this society, not some “closed” society that merely are “brainwashed” repeatedly have felt a polygamous relationship is right for them. I can trust them or somehow examine my “heart” and determine I know best for them.

  2. Lee says:

    Thanks Joe. I find no flaws in your reasoning. I think all reasons or arguments are at first based on certain premises. For example, in the United States, whatever written in the Constitution must be the truth; for Christians, whatever written in the Bible must be the truth; and for most part of the Middle East, whatever written in the Quran must the be truth.

    I guess one of your premises would be “events I observe in real life, as well as events that are well documented, must be reliable proofs to prove my case”.

    People change their mind all the time, but it’s usually too late to fix things after they change their mind. Thus, even with freedom of choice, one’s at-the-moment decisions do not guarantee his or her best interests. Specifically, those women who are happy to share one husband, I agree. Nothing’s wrong with that AT THE MOMENT. Perhaps they are all in love with the same man, or simply run after his money. But how long does that “happiness” last? Could they maintain the affection for the rest of their lives? What would happen when the money ran out?

    Yes, I understand your “legalization” position would allow them to divorce, but then what would happen to the children? Most of us would agree that things among consenting adults aren’t the issue, but the welfare of helpless kids is.

    Now, you would argue that there’s no difference between monogamy and polygamy in terms of domestic abuse and divorce. True, but first of all, we should set aside abusive behaviors, which may be the same in both cases. But in polygamy divorce cases, the overwhelming reasons would be envy, jealousy, quarreling about fairness and equality, etc., all of these reasons don’t exist in monogamy relationships.

    Joe, one of the premises that I base my arguments on is “humanity”, at the heart of which is the concept of “conscience” or whatever people may call it. There are different kinds of law in different parts of the world. But I believe the law should not only to protect the people and preserve justice, but should also serve as guidance to a more advance civilization. One example is a common law against animal cruelty in the United States.

  3. Joe says:

    Thanks Lee.

    The Constitution is a framework of government; it is not “nothing but the truth.” Christians and Muslims also repeatedly don’t think their holy books are totally true. Some are absolutists on the point, yes. Many are not.

    Observations and well documented behavior is not just something I find important. I reckon you do too in any number of ways. For instance, when you decide what to eat or what sort of car to drive or whatever. You observe, you look to see what is well documented as safe. This does not always work but it’s standard. It is not just ‘my’ rule.

    I also partially rely on “humanity,” my “heart,” and my “conscience” to determine how things are. Using this, along with the other stuff, just like you determine how to live your life & make decisions, I think my position is correct.

    The happiness of the people I referenced lasted as long as it did for people in monogamous relationships — different times for different people. As to the children, people have polygamous relationships with or without some sort of formal ceremony. Children are involved in either case. Merely making it all illegal will lead to more problems for everyone, just like if you couldn’t divorce, more harm would occur. Some “in their heart” think divorce is wrong too. That is hurts children. etc. We let the people decide.

    I am no big supporter of polygamy here, any more than I am for some couple to have ten kids. But, it is a personal matter & it belies reality to ignore that some (like Justice Scalia, who has nine kids), have are happy.

  4. Cecilia Clyne- Hosten says:

    I was born on raised on a strongly professing Christian Island in the Caribbean called Grenada. The majority of my family members are VERY staunched Catholics. But what perplex me deeply, is the fact my paternal grandfather was married in the Catholic church, had five children with his lawfully wedded wife, and thirty-four children with other women outside of the marriage. Those other children and their mothers, were not recognised or provided for by him nor his family. He died when I was a young child,so I don’t know his story. But am wondering what caused him to behave in that way…I know he came from a family who were plantation owners….both he and his wife were white, but all the other women involved were blacks. Am fifty-four years old, so you can imagine the era am speaking about.

    I only know seven of my grandfather’s of-springs, which means I have thirty-two aunts and uncles that I don’t know, including their children and grandchildren. This is very disturbing to me especially where mating is concerned…..you understand where am coming from. Now my grand father was not the only one. I know of another man who has 44 and another 90 children, both were married to one woman, and only a few with their wives. There are others to…. But Grenada is not only a very small island with about 90,000 people, but a strong professing christian nation that strongly condemns such practices; and would vehemently condemn polygamy if it were to come to our shores. But the general practice is that a man is married and he sleeps around with as many women as he wants; and their wives who can’t do anything about it suffers in silence. Sometimes I think if given a choice wouldn’t legalized polygamy be an option? Because nothing is stopping these many. A

  5. Cecilia Clyne- Hosten says:

    I was born on raised on a strongly professing Christian Island in the Caribbean called Grenada. The majority of my family members are VERY staunched Catholics. But what perplex me deeply, is the fact my paternal grandfather was married in the Catholic church, had five children with his lawfully wedded wife, and thirty-four children with other women outside of the marriage. Those other children and their mothers, were not recognised or provided for by him nor his family. He died when I was a young child,so I don’t know his story. But am wondering what caused him to behave in that way…I know he came from a family who were plantation owners….both he and his wife were white, but all the other women involved were blacks. Am fifty-four years old, so you can imagine the era am speaking about.

    I only know seven of my grandfather’s of-springs, which means I have thirty-two aunts and uncles that I don’t know, including their children and grandchildren. This is very disturbing to me especially where mating is concerned…..you understand where am coming from. Now my grand father was not the only one. I know of another man who has 44 and another 90 children, both were married to one woman, and only a few with their wives. There are others to…. But Grenada is not only a very small island with about 90,000 people, but a strong professing christian nation that strongly condemns such practices; and would vehemently condemn polygamy if it were to come to our shores. But the general practice is that a man is married and he sleeps around with as many women as he wants; and their wives who can’t do anything about it suffers in silence. Sometimes I think if given a choice wouldn’t legalized polygamy be an option? Because nothing is stopping these men. And many of them go to church with their wives faithfully. I REALLY need answers here!

  6. melissa says:

    It may be true that polygamy usually only occurs in cults and religious groups who brainwash people now, but that would be because it is illegal. Only crazy people would openly break the law. However if it was legalized, most people would stick with tradition and not do it, but some people would decide to do it. There already are many people who are married with other partners on the side that they even have children by. With laws requiring the first partners consent to second marriage, taking on a knew partner doesn’t seem morally wrong, only if the second partner doesn’t get the same benefits. If couples were more honest and held responsible for their actions there would not be illegitimate children everywhere on welfare. Furthermore lesbian relationships use up extra women too. And some people are not good marriage material for anyone. Also it is doubtful that one person would be able to get consent from a large number of the best mates for themselves anyway. There are plenty of lonely unwanted people out there that would consider being a plural partner if it was legal(just think of all the mistresses and guys having affairs with married women). Those people are not protected under the law and any children born to them may not get support or if the extra is a guy, paternal rights are iffy. I have read the Bible and it is not against polygamy(homosexuality in the Bible is considered a sin not polygamy). Now homosexuals have been granted marriage rights in some states, so why not polygamy? Simple it is not as widely socially accepted, it is almost never brought up objectively, and the government would rather not be bothered with larger more powerful families and changing laws. Is government moral? Are politicians moral? Why would they care if polygamy is moral? No, it is all about power and control.

  7. Sherman says:

    On tyhe front of early cultures where the women were in charge I am adecendeant of such. The Cherokee people were ruled by the women and the men voted in as leaders by the same. The women chose the man and if the man wanted more he had to get his wife/s permis to take another. In other words if a man had one wife she had to say yes. I f man had ten wives all ten had to say yes or it was a no go. While yes some religous groups force women into it it hten does not become a polygamous relationship as all must be consentual it then becomes onesided adn demeaning. What most folks do not realise is that polygamy has been illegal for only 35 five years. I am 36. I personaly woudl have no problem having 2 wives however I would only do that if my wife consented to it. Keeping peace, happiness, and love flowing properly in my family is an absolute must. Keep in mind my wife and I were both born and raised in monogimous families.
    I don’t understand how it’s ok for our national leaders to cheat on their spouses but if we want to marry more than one woman/man it all of a sudden becomes illegal. This seems to be the degrading path that our once great country has taken. Where your wife is not worthy of a mans loyalty and therefore must stay at home or work while the husband plays around? on the front of food stamps and abuse…… both are rampit in monogomous marages as it is even more so with the current economic climate in the state and worldwide. melissa you make absolute valid points and I can not agree with you more on the state of the government.

  8. Truth says:

    Polygamy should be a choice for both partners to say if it’s okay or not. The government’s job is to keep us safe not to control are personal life choices. Having 2 or more wives or husbands is not going to change the way we live as a whole greatly. I understand that males and females are almost equal in number but with one man having more wives would probably increase birth rates. Yes, for the first few years it will look as if all the singles are disappearing and they probably are. But this wont have much change things like infidelity or divorce rates, and if they do it would only be a slight decrease in infidelity also a increase in divorce.

    People view polygamy as a way men treat women as less then they are but that is not completely true. Polygamy was used as a way to increase population in earlier centuries. Modern women seem to think you can only have one love in your life and your unwavering loyalty and love is what makes you husband and wife. As adult women a more realist view is needed, love is the most important factor and as we all should know it is possible to love more than one person. Think of just the idea of love in a relationship, you can love your parents, friends, children, neighbor, and spouse all at the same time. But this does not mean you love one more or less then the other but some people would say that those are different types of love. If you love your father then you can also love your mother the same, right? That is what polygamist feel with their spouse, just because you have two doesn’t mean you love the first or second any less regardless of what type of “love” it is. That’s why some people feel the government has no right to define “marriage” regardless if its gay or multiple.