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October 11, 2005

The Airline Screening Playset: Hours of Fun!

posted by Daniel J. Solove

After blogging a few weeks ago about the airline screening playset, I went ahead and ordered one.

Each day, I would check my mailbox, eager with excitement about its arrival. Today, it finally arrived. I rushed to open it and began what would be hours of exciting play. Here's what came in the playset:

I was a bit disappointed in the toy’s lack of realism. There was only one passenger to be screened. Where were the long lines? The passenger’s clothing wasn’t removable for strip searching. The passenger’s shoes couldn’t be removed either. Her luggage fit easily inside the X-ray machine. There were no silly warning signs not to carry guns or bombs onto the plane. And there was no No Fly List or Selectee List included in the playset.

Another oddity was that the toy came with two guns, one for the police officer and one that either belonged to the X-ray screener or the passenger. The luggage actually opened up, and the gun fit inside. I put it through the X-ray machine, and it went through undetected. Perhaps this is where the toy came closest to reality.

The biggest departure from reality was that the passenger had a cheery smile on her face.

To make the toy more realistic, I required the passenger to show her ID, which she didn’t have. Indeed, the playset didn’t come with an ID card, so it wasn’t the passenger’s fault. But I had the screener cheerfully deny her the right to board the plane. Ha!

But she still had that silly smile.

I wasn’t ready to give up, however, so I decided to have her searched from head to toe with the magnetic wand.

But she still had that smile.

I then knew what I had to do to get that smile off her face -- I had the screeners search her luggage by hand and destroy it in the process.

But she was still smiling.

So I created a No Fly List. But there was a problem. The passenger had no name. Nevertheless, I had the screener tell her that she was on the list and that she couldn’t fly until she went through the bureaucratic hassle of trying to clear her name from the list. I had the screener tell her that it could take her weeks or months to set things right, and that there was no guarantee that she would ever get off the list unless she knew top officials in the Bush Administration.

But she was still smiling.

What was wrong with this woman? Was she just so happy because it appeared that TSA’s security was “really working to protect us”? Apparently so. She just wouldn’t stop smiling. So finally, I had the cop shoot her dead.

Posted by Daniel J. Solove at October 11, 2005 12:03 AM

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Comments

I love it!

But I do want to clarify one thing: The set does come with a no fly list.

You're just not cleared to see it.

Posted by: Adam S at October 11, 2005 12:01 AM

Dan, you just made my morning. I'll write the futile habeas petition when you get haled to gitmo.

Posted by: Paul Gowder at October 11, 2005 09:14 AM

Hilarious. I love it. My stomach hurts now from laughing. Thank you.

Posted by: Derek at October 11, 2005 10:05 AM

This action set would be perfect for my five year old son - he now finds toy guns more effective than toy light sabers anyway. He too is learning to be an effective security guard, because after he has you stick your hands up and then cuffs you - he shoots you.

Posted by: John C. Spaccarotella at October 11, 2005 10:28 AM

Awesome commentary.

Posted by: Saar Drimer at October 11, 2005 11:04 AM

Brilliant, Dan. Just brilliant (the ways you find to avoid work, I mean!).

Posted by: dantes at October 11, 2005 11:27 AM

I notice you had them shoot her face down. Couldn't bear to see the expression of DEATH, huh?

Posted by: aax at October 11, 2005 01:23 PM

I would bet that she was still smiling after gunning her down. I think she should be shot repeatedly til she learned her lesson!

Posted by: shadow assassin at October 11, 2005 03:51 PM

hahahahah, thats great

Posted by: ElNacho at October 11, 2005 08:41 PM

I love this post, though I have an existential question: how does one remove one's name if one has no name from the No Fly List?

Posted by: Christy at October 11, 2005 10:03 PM

It makes me wonder if the airplane playset even has a key coded cockpit security door.

Posted by: Troy at October 11, 2005 11:23 PM

If only there was a voluntary manslaughter playset...

Although with all those guns about, and the frustration of being denied admittance to your important flight, it's not long before some extreme emotional disturbance manifests itself.

Posted by: idlegrasshopper at October 11, 2005 11:32 PM

Well Done! The fact that the passenger kept smiling throughout the entire ordeal just proves she had something to hide- I recomend the body be immediately incinerated in case of biological contamination.

Posted by: Don at October 12, 2005 08:12 AM

OMG this is hilarious.. well done. I love the part where the cop shoots her dead. I'm sure she was still smiling after that tho.. LMAO!

Posted by: Jenny at October 12, 2005 01:08 PM

You silly fool! You neglected to purchase:

#3199 Taxi (with suspicious-looking driver)
#3185 Jet Airliner (with kick-proof doors)
#3212 Baggage Carrier (with lost luggage from Denver)
#7342 Baggage Trollies w/suitcases (suspicious luggage left unattended)

and, of course:
#3670 Remote Control Module.

Buy these items and you'll have the long lines quickly enough!

Posted by: Ken at October 12, 2005 01:54 PM

THATS IS CLASSIC......I WANT AN AMERICAN AIRLINES TOWER OPERATIONS PLAYSET......!!!

Posted by: lesley at October 12, 2005 02:33 PM

I laughed out loud. Who said that Law Professors don't have a sense of humor?

Posted by: richard at October 12, 2005 03:14 PM

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The Airline Screening Playset: Hours of Fun!

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